he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
