I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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