he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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