that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
