i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
