Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
