thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
