Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
