There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
