What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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