my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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