we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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