sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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