we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I think people are normalizing furries
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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