i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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