The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
