it wasn't lemon gatorade
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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