you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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