If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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