you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
