so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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