I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
