Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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