Porn is love you can see.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
