omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
