im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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