well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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