She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
