quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
