Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
