when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
