Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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