I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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