This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
