This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
