So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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