saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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