FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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