Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
