yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
