Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize