I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Four minutes until I can fart!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
