The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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