Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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