its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
