If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
