Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
