I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
