I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
