Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
