at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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