I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
