babies were throwing up all over the place
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
