she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
