Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
