She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
and she was petting her beer can
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
