Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
