be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
