her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
