can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
