i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
