so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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