Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize