That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
