I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
