The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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