she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
