We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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