oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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