look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
