I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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