Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
