you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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