to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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