Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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