I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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