I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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