so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Randomize