If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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