this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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