but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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