12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize