I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Four minutes until I can fart!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
