Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
