I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize