I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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