I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
