all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
