You just made me feel so damn special
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
