We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
