can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
