U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
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