He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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