I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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