life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
