yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
