friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
